Record: Matches 3-8, Games 8-25

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Datatel Loses Opening Match of the 2007 Season

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team started the season with a loss, 0-3, to the vicious SRA Penguins Too.

"I feel pretty crappy, losing to a team that can't even come up with an original name," revered team manager Robert "Rocco"grandi lamented. Added Marci Andrews, "Morgan Freeman narrating the entire match really didn't help, either."

Super spectator Matt Wolfe, sidelined due to a knee injury and not scheduled to come off the injured list until early June, was the MVP of the match for bringing the team beer.

Weather conditions were bright and sunny with a 8 MPH wind out of the northwest. Sand conditions were partly hot. Beer conditions were ice cold.

Datatel looks to rebound from this performance in their next match on June 5th.

Datatel Suffers a Tough Loss

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team suffered another tough loss, 0-3, to the heinous Bayside Tigers.

"This team just has our number," competent team manager Robert "Rocco"grandi complained. "I thought after we beat them last year to reach the championship we had finally gotten the monkey of our back. Turns out the monkey is back to chew gum and kick ass, and he's all out of gum."

"We just seem to be lacking something," fresh and shiny Matt Bricker, a new player in 2007, declared. "It was probably a sniper to counteract all the fans that were chanting 'ah-weem-ah-wey, a-weem-a-wey' the entire match."

Weather conditions were unknown due to this reporter not actually attending the match.

Datatel looks to rebound from this performance in their next match on June 13th.

Datatel Continues Its Losing Ways

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team lost their third match in a row, 0-3, to The Hey Nows.

"I was very disappointed with the outcome of the match," said Matt Wolfe, newly activated from injured reserve. "It's tough to lose but even tougher when the other team only has five people on the court."

"I like to win, but I can accept a loss to a team like that," commented Mile Olliges. "I mean, everyone on their team is a gym rat. Did you se the shoulders on that woman? Scary muscular, to say the least."

Embattled team manager Robert "Rocco"grandi had no comment on the match, most likely because he wasn't there.

Datatel looks to get on the winning track in their next match on June 15th.

Datatel Gets Their First Win Of The Season

Win, 2-1

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team won their first match of the season, 2-1, over the aptly titled Scared Hitless.

"Never in the history of the world has a team been more appropriately named," new team manager Matt Wolfe proclaimed. "Well, except for the Waco, Texas Crazy Redneck Love This Country Or Get Out softball team. That was a pretty accurate team name."

"I definitely could have taken that entire team all by myself," said Intern Rachel Lucas. "Even though I was off the court for five minutes getting a bloody knee patched up, they wouldn't have gotten more than five points on an empty court."

Ex-team manager Robert "Rocco"grandi was once again unable to make the match, in the guise of "bettering himself" through education.

Datatel looks to continue their modest winning streak in their next match on June 20th.

Datatel Wins Once Again, Creates Winning Streak

Win, 2-1

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team won their second match in a row, 2-1, over Cedar Lakes.

"This team was a real surprise to us," said Maureen Robertson. "They played with four women on the court and had extra women for subs. How rare is that?"

Added Marci Andrews, "I would have loved to play for that team. I'd never have to show up!"

The team with the only alcohol-related name in the league (Spirits, get it?) is finally starting to play to their potential. Remarked one member of the opposing team, "I'm kind of surprised you can even stand up let alone play after all that beer you've had."

Datatel looks to add to their winning streak in their next match on June 26th.

Datatel Runs Winning Streak to Three

Win, 3-0

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team won their third match in a row, 3-0, over SRA Penguin Attack.

"Having random penguins attack our team during play was pretty low," stated Mike Coffey. "Good thing we countered with a killer whale."

"Even with the penguin distraction, we still kicked butt!" exclaimed Kelly Horton. "The best thing about the match? I burned, like, a bazillion calories."

Game MVP was Rachel Lucas, partially for serving well, but mostly for bringing beer.

Datatel looks to continue their winning ways in their next match on July 5th.

Datatel Loses Again, Fans Riot

Loss, 1-2

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team lost their third match in a row, 1-2, to the Argon Slammers.

"This was a make-up game for a rainout, coupled with playing on a court we never play on, fused with having to get an alternate player in order to have six people, mixed with a dash of not warming up enough, all blended together to make a noxious cocktail of defeat," sighed team manager Matt Wolfe. "Perhaps if we had lit the cocktail on fire, a la a Flaming Homer, the match would have turned out better. Alas, no one had any matches. Not even Pyro Pete, which was a real shock."

"I really feel like I let the team down," said Pyro Pete. "I mean, I'm not even very good at volleyball. Pretty much my only redeeming skill in life is setting things on fire, but I couldn't even do that. Man, I suck."

Datatel did have moments of brilliance in the match, but those moments were unfortunately surrounded by long stretches of suckitude.

Datatel looks to finally Samuel L. Jackson win in their next match on August 14th.

Datatel Loses, Has Fun Playing With Puppy

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team lost their first match in over a month, 0-3, to Pit Bosses 2.

"This team has always been our nemesis," stated coach Matt Wolfe. "Well, technically this team is a split from the original Pit Bosses, and that team was our nemesis. So I guess that makes these guys like our mini-nemesis."

Datatel kept each game's score close, twice getting over 10 points. It would count as a moral victory, if moral victories weren't only for losers.

"True, we didn't win any games," lamented Matt Bricker. "But it's not like I went home and cried all night over it. No, I certainly didn't cut myself and write dark goth poems about how sucky life is. No, I never do that."

Datatel looks to return to the win column in their next match on July 24th.

Datatel Embarrassed, Claims 'Everyone Else is Wrong'

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team was thoroughly embarrassed in an 0-3 defeat to Spiked Punch.

"It wasn't because we lost to a team with only four players on the court. No, definitely not that," stated intern Andy Hahn. "What was more embarrassing was losing to a team named with an awful pun. 'Spiked Punch'? Ha. Ha. Ha."

"It's not even a good pun," agreed fellow intern Rachel Lucas. "They could at least have come up with something like Tuna Hunters." [Ed. note: See, tuna get caught in a net. There's a net on the volleyball court. The name implies that the other team is going to get caught in the net and lose. Get it?]

In the other team's defense, they were cool enough to hang out after the game, drinking beer.

Datatel looks to kick butt, for once, in their next match on July 30th.

Datatel Loses to the Most Fun Team in the League (Besides Us)

Loss, 0-3

Well, the Janitors were able to finally beat us this year. We're all going to go drink away our shame.

Datatel Loses, Natural Order Preserved

Loss, 0-3

The Datatel Spirits volleyball team lost 0-3 to the Pit Bosses in a match that ended in the only way possible.

"You can't fight destiny," phonated team manager Matt Wolfe. "The Pit Bosses beat us pretty much every year, and it's usually a spanking. They're our daddies."

Thus ends another season of Datatel spirits volleyball. Sadly, the team did not make the playoffs this year. The team collectively implores Datatel to hire interns who have competed in a Division-I volleyball program for next year's team.

Datatel Shocked to be in Playoffs

Probably a loss

Datatel somehow limped into the playoffs and will play this match on September 5th.